Money Please

Do you ever have those times when you think, “Wow, I’m the poorest of all my friends”? Do you ever think that everyday of your life because all of your three friends are employed? Well, I do. I am officially the poorest of my apartment and the unspoken housewife of the building.

That’s right; my only friend that was on my level of poorness has gone and gotten a job. So, not only do I have to spend all my days alone now; I also have to double-up on this job search so I can go to dinner with them. Of course there is going to be a congratulations dinner and something, because it’s always dinner and something. I don’t think I do dinner and something, while still trying to survive on that $20 I got last week for babysitting.

I honestly don’t know what else to do other than becoming the Mona Lisa Saperstein of the unemployment world. Just going into businesses and breaking things until they give me money? Let’s face it; the only way we know how to fix problems as Americans is throw money at it. Throw that money at me!

(If we are going to get into throwing money at me, then I have fallen too far; and I should just move back in with my parents.)

But if one more person says, “The right job is just around the corner,” I will punch them. (And we all know I can punch hard, one of my thousand jobs was teaching people to punch.) That’s like saying, “The perfect spouse is out there,” to someone that just got divorced. Just don’t say it. We know the job is out there, but just let us be a little cynical about it so the victory feels more like a victory. The heroic ending wouldn’t seem that great if the hero was always confident. What if the Valkyrie from Thor: Ragnarok never became a drunk and kept on fighting? She would never have sexual tension with Thor, and there would be no one to see in slow-mo coming out of the shadows to fight. Humans need the drama. Let me have my Valkyrie moment.

I did get to teach one more class of kickboxing though, so at least I got to say a final goodbye. (I have been constant pain since then because my body did not understand how to use muscles anymore.) Maybe I just needed closure before I could move on.

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