Amy from the Hole

I recently learned that my last name means “from the hole,” which is basically a zombie.  Hole like grave. Grave like dead people. Coming out of the grave like zombies. So yes, zombies are real. And I am a zombie. Now I know why I’m falling apart like an 80-year-old woman when I’m in my 20s. I also know why my dad always says, “It’s in the blood.” Zombie is the thing that is in our blood. It also explains why I’m such a slow runner. Fast zombies are a myth for sure.

I guess the hole could also be referring to another hole, like the hole that life comes from *wink wink.* So my family is either zombies or the first people in existence. Either way, pretty cool.

I like to think that we are zombies. Zombies are cooler now thanks to the Walking Dead. Which is great all but don’t take our thing Rob. We eat normal things but we are invincible. I’m unfortunately only half zombie so I will die one day. My dad will never die. So that’s good.

For my friends that read this (who am I kidding only my friends read this), I will be moving soon. I won’t say where in case I get a random stalker, that wouldn’t be cool. I have a cop in the family. The past few weeks I have been preparing for my move. I know what you are thinking, that isn’t an excuse you haven’t posted in months. Well I’ve also been busy. I’m re-watching the Mindy Project and trying to convince my brother to paint a picture of Tina Fey for my new place. Both take a lot of time. But I’m posting now so calm down.

The only thing I have to talk about are the shows that I watch now: Runawaysthe Crown, all of the late night shows, Bob’s Burgers, and Ghosted. All of which I highly recommend. Runaways is like a jigsaw puzzle that I only watch because I need know what is going on. But it’s got everything: superpowers, superthings, lesbians… dinosaurs, affairs, a ghost… murders, drinking, high school… guns, sexual tension, hair.

Ghosted starts really weird and continues to be really weird, so make sure to put that on the list. The Crown is the interesting version of a yawn. And Bob’s Burgers will always be that weird show you are supposed to watch when you are high. Psych: the Movie also came out and it was amazing. I don’t want them to restart the show because shows are only good when they have a good ending. Psych has accomplished that so there is no need to go further.

If you are reading this from South Korea, here is some American news you may not have heard. The FCC is taking everything. Taxes will bankrupt us (only your middle-class parents though). And a train derailed somewhere. So never come home, because you probably won’t legally be able to come home soon. But Korea is nice so just stay there.

That’s it. Sorry I don’t have any interesting guy stories for you, but you knew what you were getting into when you started reading this. What you were getting into means nothing sexual. I’m poor. I’m not fun. And I never leave the house. (And when I do, I’m usually wearing a form of pajamas.) This is why, according to my mother, I will never marry.

Another reason I’m “Amy from the Hole,” my new apartment is underground. So, every morning I will literally be crawling out of a hole to eat my breakfast.

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