In case you were confused by the title, I’m unemployed. I was going to work on that wall project, maybe you’ve heard of it. But, apparently it, like everything else, has been outsourced to Mexico. So, now I have nothing to do.

It’s not too bad though. I’m caught up on all my shows. Stranger Things was crazy to watch at 3 am; I don’t suggest it. I swear after I watched it, Millie Bobby Brown’s Instagram posts just started showing up on my feed. And I’m exercising a lot. Yesterday, I ran for two minutes and passed out. That’s one minute longer than before.

Like most unemployed people, I prefer the term temporary retirement. I feel the cop that retires only to be called back in reluctantly. And I have permanent butt damage from my couch. It’s like a deflated birthday balloon, flat and sad.

Mostly I just sit around and think of things that only high people think about. Like we should call regular movies, reverse musicals? Or why people don’t have horns on them to let cars know where they are?

As you can see, my life is real fun.

Applying for jobs is hard. I know you are probably mad. You’re thinking She’s a millennial. Don’t they all just make blogs and YouTube for money. I WOULD LOVE TO DO THAT! I would love to work from my bed, like I am right now. If only it were that simple. I don’t know how to do things like that for money. It’s too stressful. But I heard the new tax bill has a tax break for private jet owners. So the tax break for Tweeting should be any day now.


I promised a friend I would talk about her. So, to satisfy her selfish needs, here are some words about her:

If I had the Photoshop skills to put your face on Wonder Woman’s body, I wouldn’t, because you look exactly like Gal Gadot.

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