I’ve always been annoyed this never gets discussed. I want more scenes of the heroine in the bathroom. I want Snow White running into the bathroom saying, “Man, that apple sure did give me the trots!” after the Prince wakes her up. I feel like we should be on that level with her, as the audience. We do know her life story.

So I dedicate this blog to the characters that never get to go.

I have recently moved to South Korea. As you may know, they still use squatty potties (and no, not the Bed, Bath, and Beyond product)

but the traditional, squatting toilet.

This is not my problem, I love the squatting toilet, it’s comfortable, it’s clean, no issues. My qualms are with the layout of the bathrooms.

It begins with a scavenger hunt. I never thought I would need to exit a bathroom to retrieve my toilet paper (It’s in the hallway for some reason).

The next issue is trying to predetermine the amount I will need. I can’t just grab more once I’m in the stall. I need to make all my decisions in the hallway. Maybe this trip will include a surprise shit (sometimes you just don’t know it’s coming). Maybe my uterus would find it funny that today would be the day. You never know!

Next comes the stall itself. This part is actually nice. Korean toilets are usually what you expect in a toilet.

The final problem comes at the end, like a final punch of What the Fuck, before leaving the bathroom. Using public bathrooms in South Korea is like always being at that one friend’s house that doesn’t keep a hand towel. With that, your bathroom experience is over. You’ll exit confused and slightly wet, like every American woman watching their first K-pop video.